My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
