i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
Randomize