i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
