totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
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