you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
