EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
