My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
