My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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