I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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