I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
