right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I think I have vodka in my lungs
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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