I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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