We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We talked him into tasing himself.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
