You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
