This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
