Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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