you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Randomize
