We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
