Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Randomize
