Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize