The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
