He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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