Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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