Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
