"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
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