I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
