So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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