wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The feeling are messing with the penis
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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