how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize