Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
