You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Randomize
