I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
ttyl tear gas
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
