Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
