I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
