I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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