3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
