Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
