I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
