You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
It was confusing and full of hummus
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
