put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
