You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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