Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
