dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
