We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
