God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Randomize