The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
