I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
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