last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
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