Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
