Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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