Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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