Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
