2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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