You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
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