In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
