someone owes me an orgasm
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
