Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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