They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
