I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
