Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
