just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
