I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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