I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
you win again, gameday.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
