I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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