I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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