fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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