please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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