Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Found your dick twin last night
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
