While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
