we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
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