wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
