My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
