the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
