those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
