How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
