I wish my penis had an off switch
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
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