they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
