I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
it was like eating out sand paper
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
is wine microwaveable?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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