I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
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