I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
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