Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Randomize