Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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