Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Randomize