and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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