My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
