put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
