When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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