that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
