I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
