I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Randomize