how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
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