i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
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