he thought i was a dude.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
