i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize