he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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