Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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