Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Randomize
