I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
