we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
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