So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize
