i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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