things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
