Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
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