I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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